I have sequestered myself in the library yet again. I have stacks of books in front of me, but they only serve to make me look busy. I have no drive to read any of them. I can’t stop running the calculations on how many must have died in Sarosa, and how many we could have saved if we got there faster. My guilt is only worsened by my lack of mathematical prowess, so I can only assume whatever numbers I’m coming up with are too small. I need to break this spiral.

Ryker visited the library to talk about the mission. While I would usually appreciate the company, I was too deep in self-loathing to really engage him. I feel terrible about that. Our conversation was a blur, but the one thing I remember is that he said the entity we saw destroy Sarosa reminded him of the description of the Red Entity from the Corcosan Mines. I don’t think I can even visualise the mech that did the destruction. Even in my dreams, I am plagued with memories of nothing but the blast.

---

I saw Victor pacing the halls in front of the library earlier. It looked like he was rehearsing something. He must be preparing for a military presentation of some kind.

I’ve been reading through all my notes I’ve taken since coming to Telgeta IV to keep my mind off it all. I am a fool for not remembering I’d heard the name Amun before the Beleriki Professor told me. Samira Daub called the R.E. Amun! Does that mean it has not taken a new name like Kimaris did with Judgement? Or does it intentionally wield the demon name in order to influence more effectively. It also is reasonable to believe Amun is a “HUP” like Kimaris is. Did we already know this? I lose track of the Castirian military’s silly shorthands and designations.

Now with the knowledge that Amun’s domains are past, future, and reconciliation, that hypnotic oath Amun infects people with is worth a second interrogation. “Lost minds recall how they once thought” is definitely about the past. I suppose if this entity has been around for this long, it would know how everyone used to think. Or maybe it means more that they are back to worshipping the paracausal. The bit about cluttered lungs and breathing poison doesn’t feel like it reads any differently with the domain knowledge.

“Let us tremble at what is to come” is clearly about the future. And if Amun is the thing that destroyed Sarosa, then we would be right to tremble at such power.

---

Unit 02 had a debrief with the Director today. I can never quite get a good read on him at all, presumably because I can’t ever look into his eyes. He asked me about the Cosmic Jets, which was a surprise. The background checks the military does clearly do a much more thorough job than I gave them credit for. Apparently, they’re all either dead or arrested after they got caught by a Union Lancer smuggling some arms. That wasn’t really their modus operandi when I was with them, but maybe they got desperate for money or fame. I remember Roger telling me that not many pirates get to retire, so perhaps they were ready for their fate. It’s hard not to feel melancholic about the news. I wouldn’t be in Castiria if I didn’t travel with them. The Director thought they were the key to recent events but didn’t elaborate further. What could they possibly have been doing that relates to us?

Honestly, I found it hard to focus for the remainder of the chat. I recall Handler revealed that the Quartic Church may have ties to Phalanx and is likely supporting them in some way. That isn’t too surprising if the next Prime Minister wanted to have Materialism as the official faith of Castiria. The church would want his paramilitary arm to be as strong as possible to ensure any pushback to that idea would be compromised to a permanent end. The Phalanx General denied any continuing ties to Hordisthum, but I don’t think anyone really believed her.

Speaking of the General, she’s likely to be freed as a show of political good faith by the President. Hard not to feel like we didn’t get value from her equivalent to the cost we incurred during our mission. That news did nothing to get rid of the bitter taste of regret for how I acted in Sarosa.

Victor reached out to check in on me for the first time since the mission… it might have been the first time he’s done that in general actually. He seemed to think that the paracausal elements of our mission were what was weighing on me. Following through on 02’s deal to stop keeping secrets, I told him what was troubling me was the guilt I was holding onto for all the people we couldn’t save. How I was so focused on revenge on Phalanx and consumed by anger that I didn’t care in the moment. How I enjoyed how the anger made me better in the field, and how that scared me after the fact.

He told me that leveraging rage on the battlefield isn’t always a bad thing, and that “if anyone should use their rage, it should be the man who thinks about it for a month after.” That latter piece is something I might just need to adapt into the United Belief. Perhaps I have judged Victor too harshly if he can so eloquently describe the importance of a conscience.

I could have sworn at the end of our talk, he called me Ithiki the way Mercury did. Is my tired brain playing tricks on me, or is something happening to Victor?

---

The chat with Victor has lifted me out of my slump. I am still in the library, but now I am actually reading! I’ve focused my research on the Castirian revolutions so I can try and determine why the nobles would be allied with Phalanx. So far, nothing sticks out, but the thrill of learning has helped keep me grounded.

I went to go see Vuelo in the engineering bay. I know being away from Elena must be hard for him, so I didn’t want him to feel lonely. I do enjoy the time we get to spend together outside of missions. I’m far from someone you can describe as “personable”, but I hope he feels the same way.

---

Today was eventful to say the least. Unit 02 travelled with Handler to the same black site she took us to last time. Handler informed us that researchers there developed a radar type system for finding the Demons by detecting their haze profiles. They had a great name for it - HADAR. Fantastic! First good name the military has come up with.

The HADAR revealed that Judgement is located with the Quartic Church in Promised Gol, and Amun is somewhere on a beach in Tenebris. It also discovered a third signal coming straight from our dear Captain. This reveal wasn’t too much of a surprise for me. We always knew he was different after the 4YAPI and everything else. I assume the entity that was discovered was not the remains of Mercury, but instead the “Instinct” that was planted inside Victor by Judgement.

The Director showed up and had Handler detained. She was seemingly aware of this entity being in Victor but did not communicate this or stop Victor from going out into the field. I assume she felt he was the perfect test subject for her research and didn’t want to let that go. I’ve seen many academics like that in my time, and they always try to frame it as concern for their subject more as opposed to their selfish wants. Victor was also detained as a safety precaution, but I don’t know if that’s even effective considering the entity is already inside him.

The rest of 02 caught up when we got back to the Chateau, but there wasn’t anything we could do. We’re powerless to free our Captain. All we can do is wait.

---

I did not sleep restfully last night. Too many thoughts about what we learned yesterday.

First, referring to Judgement and Amun as “demons” is likely not an accurate classification. They exist outside that religious/mythological context right now, and if Instinct is like them, then they may not always have a demon parallel. From now on, I will refer to this class of entity as Haze Paracausal Entities, or HPEs, to reflect their shared Haze-like energy signature.

Second, Amun will likely go by, or is already known as, another name. It’s a limited data set, but Judgement and Instinct are ways humans make decisions. Maybe this reflects their personalities? All the things we know about Amun have always had a religious aura to them, so maybe it will be known as Morality?

Finally, the Church may have had HADAR technology for a while, and that’s how they’ve been “weighing souls”. Their creator was clearly enamoured with the Haze and they spend their lives in it. Maybe their religious scholars found something first and kept it to themselves.

I need some fresh air to cool my thoughts. I wonder if Ryker will join me in a walk around the Chateau. Or maybe I’ll ask Vuelo. Ryker always turns our walks into running competitions, and I’m tired of losing every time.

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Today is the day the new Prime Minister gets into power. I’ll have to go find a radio and follow along with the news in case something big happens. You never know what could happen when it comes to political transitions.