It’s Election Night in Castiria, but unfortunately I wasn’t able to enjoy it as Unit 02 was called into an emergency war room meeting with our Handler to decide our next mission. She presented us with our two choices: pursuing the Paracausal Pegasus (aka 2P), or rescuing Unit 01. The Quartic Knights are transporting the 2P to their homeland, which gives us a limited window on capturing it before it’s most likely gone for good. Unit 01 is missing in action in Hordistrum, with Handler having lost contact with them during a training exercise.

We had to make our choice immediately due to the time constraints, and we ended up choosing to chase the 2P. It was personally my desired outcome. I don’t want to be haunted by two paracausal entities at once. It may also help provide insight into whatever happened during the 4YAPI if we can interact with it. Plus, some face time with the Quartic Church is a compelling factor, not that I said that during the meeting. Vuelo seemed primarily worried about what might go wrong with the Captain fighting the 2P, which is understandable.

Ryker was eventually swayed from his desire to help his fellow soldiers, but I get the feeling that it’s not something that sits right with him. The Captain himself seemed quite… distant. He was bordering on melancholic throughout the meeting. I suppose even a hardened military man would struggle facing the force that scarred him so deeply, he needed to sever his psyche in two to even get onto the battlefield again. I wonder if Mercury would have the same fear, given the latent link between the two. Knowledge is one thing, but can an emotion be so strong it crosses the de-association boundary?

Handler told us that it’s unlikely that the President will send any other military forces to assist Unit 01 due to the political implications. So he can ask the Hords to transport paramilitary forces into Castiria’s mainland to violently crush civil unrest, but not mobilise anything to save his people? I hope 01 is safe, but if the worst-case scenario happens, those deaths won’t be a result of our choice tonight.

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Vuelo told me about a chat he had with the Other One from Unit 00. She alleges that Captain willingly had his memories wiped after he was rescued so that he could forget anything that happened to him during that time gap. That’s an unexpected wrinkle, if it’s true. What could have been so horrific that he had to remove it without telling his future self that’s what happened, in case he wanted to know? Did he have so much trust in his adoration for the military chain of command that he thought he’d never chase the truth?

The other allegation was that Captain hacked Unit 00 during the 4YAPI, jamming their systems before absconding away. That could explain why they appeared to do nothing, but it doesn’t feel right to me. Why get every soldier present to swear to secrecy? Why do none of the official documents state that Captain hacked the others? Above all else, if the 2P is truly capable of complete control over Captain (or anyone for that matter), why didn’t Handler tell us before we went out? Maybe we’ve made the wrong choice for this mission after all.

I can’t believe we met up with the Priest again, what are the odds! He seemed to be pretty understanding of us trying to reclaim the 2P, but not understanding enough that he was willing to give it away without a fight. Before everything escalated, he did scan me and confirm that my soul does not weigh heavily. So maybe Mr. Blonde is just my subconscious after all.

I had trouble adjusting to Alitheia during our initial skirmish when we landed. I took on more damage than I would have liked to, and I’m not someone who’s minded some wear and tear. The lack of rest between combat was a bit of a struggle for me. Who knew I’d be wanting some of that military conditioning that Runner is always murmuring to herself about? Maybe I should ask Ryker to run me through some drills when we’re back at the base.

Despite the exhaustion, capturing the ship from the inside felt considerably easier than our topside assault. I don’t know how to describe it, sometimes things just flow for me in a mech. I’m able to move and strike exactly how I want to. I have been told that I have some kind of innate skill when it comes to controlling mechs. If I was someone who cared about excelling as a pilot, I would endeavour to seek a way to consistently achieve this “flow state”. But I am an academic, and I only wish to flow through books easily and precisely.

While we were securing the ship, I was able to come across the Quartic Church’s notes on the 2P. They posit that the 2P is inhabited by a demon from the old empire named Kimaris. I wasn’t aware they had demons back in the Abujani days. Maybe it’s a way of classifying and identifying different types of paracausal interactions. Then again, if Kimaris is anything like what we saw in the mines, the demonic sentiment isn’t really misplaced. What it is, it is decidedly not human, but does have what the Quartic Church defines as a spirit. Does that mean it deserves some kind of, for the lack of a better word, humane treatment? Is experimenting on it tantamount to torture? Would destroying the frame be murder?

If the risks weren’t so high given the Captain’s past, I would love to try to interact with the 2P to learn if it believes in anything. Surely its actions aren’t random; it must have some kind of goal to do the things it’s done. More than me talking to it, I would love for Mercury to meet whatever the entity really is. In a twisted way, it’s Mercury’s desired form. A ghost in the shell, a being with no flesh that puppets it. The 2P is exactly what Mercury thinks they are. Maybe the demon could teach Mercury how to inhabit a mech the way it does. It’s a treasonous thought to have given the implications it may have for the Captain, but I just wish Mercury could live a life not defined by missions or combat. Not defined by people who want to use them for their own selfish purposes. People like me.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t write about the post-combat incident. In a moment of fear, Mercury killed a fleeing pilot. I wish I could have stopped it, but I just didn’t move in time. The only solace I have about what happened is that it was likely an instant death given the state of the body afterwards. A gift for the poor soul but not for us who witnessed what happened. A sudden explosion of crimson and sinew that was so staggering in velocity that it even reached the frame of Alitheia. Mercury thinks that the pilots are controlling the corpses of the mechs. Of course, they would want to destroy what they think are necromantic parasites that are defiling the dead. This could be avoided if Project White Snake or whoever would just educate Mercury about the true form of the team and explain what’s going on. But now, it is too late. A man is dead.

When Captain saw what had happened, he seemed to be somewhat remorseful, surprisingly. It was a stark contrast to how he felt about the suicide pilots we faced on the space station. Is it because this was by his hand, even if it wasn’t by his mind? The attempt to follow the Quartic Church’s traditions for the dead was respectable, but I doubt even a qualified priest could have done much with the pool of guts that was left.

One final Mercury note. I was finally able to play Captain’s voice for them. I figured it was the safest time to do so. We were in Haze, and we had remote shut-off switches in case Mercury reacted the way they did the first time we faced the Quartic Church. Playing the voice garnered a similar reaction to when I asked how they felt about the de-association phrases — with one major exception. This time, I received a message from Mercury telling me that it was unwise to have done that. It did not feel like Mercury at all.

Given that we are in the Haze, which means that no external interference direct from the Chateau is possible, this must mean that there is something inside Mercury that is stopping them from responding. I thought maybe it could have been a filter on communications, but if that was the case, it would just block anything that’s not combat or mission-related, and we wouldn’t need to abide by the MIP. And I don’t think Mercury has control over it either, as they would probably just block out the de-association phrases.

So, how does this work then? Is it something in that extra hardware which took longer to install? It could be tied to Mercury’s emotional state, which they could measure via brain waves or something similar. I have to assume that’s something that exists. Or is this deeper? Is this something that’s part of the de-association process which has cut out Mercury’s ability to respond to certain topics? That would help protect any key secrets in case of another capture. If they can remove the ability to remember, removing an emotional response might be similar.

Maybe I’ll find answers to all of this one day, but I think it’s the curse of my callsign to be burdened with endless questions and finite answers. Maybe if I change it to “Understander” or “Knower”, I’ll have some more luck.