3.7.7.12 R.D.
I started work on Ithiki’s replacement, with the help of the Castirian engineers, of course. I’ve never been too across the technical and engineering sides of this Lancer life, but the team here has been very accommodating and showed me a new mech they think will work with my combat style. I’m sad to see Ithiki go after our time together, but this “Metalmark” sounds pretty good too.
5.7.7.12 R.D.
Dog Man invited me to meet his family today. I still don’t know if I can trust him, but I’m also far too curious to see his people and the environment that led to Dog Man becoming the man he is. Can’t be too careful though, in case this is a trap. I should go with protection.
Dog Man’s family is an interesting bunch, or at least I think so based on my extremely limited time with them before his sister whisked us away to this arms convention to sell their company’s goods. Ryker seemed reluctant to lie about using the gear they’re selling in his mech. Considering he also pretty obviously lied about his hand not being injured, maybe he’s not an expert liar after all? Maybe it’s time to finally ask him to see where he stands.
After we were free from the convention, Dog Man brought us back to his family’s for dinner. I was finally able to get a grasp on what his people are like. They live a humble, community-focused life, as you’d expect from a nomadic tribe. Everyone knows everyone, and they’re focused on taking care of each other. How did Dog Man end up the soldier that he is coming from roots like these? I just can’t get a good read on him at all. How many shades of grey does he really have? (Note to self, ask Dog Man if he’s colour blind or not)
Character study of Dog Man aside, it was nice to just spend some time away from the Chateau and the stuffiness of the military. It reminded me of my time as an academic, spending time researching belief systems and just immersing myself into new cultures so I could understand them. He doesn’t know it, but Dog Man gave me the best birthday gift I’d gotten in a while.
7.7.7.12 R.D.
Mr. Blonde appeared to me again in my dream last night. He told me that our paths had diverged but now reconvene. He asked me what I saw in the mines, and as I spoke, he simply nodded along, as though paracausal demons ripping through reality itself to attack people is a normal affair. I asked what he saw on the path he had walked, but while his lips moved, no sound came out, seemingly unbeknownst to him. Before I could ask if he could write it down, I could start to hear the sound of radio static, which began quietly but became deafening quickly. Right before I awoke, the noise stopped and I heard him tell me that I could reach more people if I actually used my voice.
Just who is Mr. Blonde? I’m starting to worry that he’s more than a subconscious manifestation because these dreams feel more than that. Is he a paracausal entity who is haunting my dreams? Maybe I need to get my soul weighed by the Quartic Church just in case.
3.8.7.12 R.D.
Bosco reached out to tell me that someone gave him some good stuff he can sell, so half my debt is repaid. I have to assume that was Sister’s handiwork, which is nice of her.
6.8.7.12 R.D.
There has been two separate uprisings in Castiria in the last day. The first was in the south, a group calling themselves the Pennish Liberation Front started fighting in Vallerosa, while the second was started by a CCW faction in Ojuelos. The timing of it stinks. Sure, revolution inspires revolution, but no movement moves this quickly.
We had a meeting with Director, Handler, and Unit 00, where a couple of theories were proposed, including the possibility that the Red Entity could be behind this. But this feels too intentional to be paracausal. Comedia was also suggested as instigator. Perhaps, but to what end does that benefit them? Are they to become the new boogeyman whenever the government wants to do something?
Thankfully, we won’t be deployed to suppress these uprisings. We can’t taint the Lancer brand with news of us publicly attacking a union; we can only do that secretly in the Haze. That information didn’t seem to stop Vuelo from looking a mix of devastated and angry. Captain also seemed to be shellshocked from the news. I heard him mumble about having a new mech, but Handler looked at him like he was crazy to suggest it. Does he get withdrawals if he doesn’t de-associate frequently enough? It was also mentioned that Unit 01 has been uncontactable for some time. Maybe Captain heard that earlier than we did and was experiencing a post-traumatic stress reaction from the idea that there are Lancers stuck in Hordistrum again.
Given the mounting tensions in Castiria, as well as my own deteriorating mental health over uncertainty over I could trust, I decided to confront Ryker about where his loyalties lie. He told me that he is loyal to the squad and to his personal values based on how he was raised. Right now, Castiria aligns with that, but he says if they change, he wouldn’t be with them anymore. I trust that he is telling me the truth about this, although I do have some cognitive dissonance about how his values can sway so nationalistic after meeting his family, but that’s neither here nor there right now.
I also asked him about his self-inflicted injury from our mission. Ryker told me that he did it to punish himself for his mistakes in combat. I couldn’t believe it. I was keeping him at a distance and trying to portray him as some kind of master receiver who was seeking to spy on us, when I should have instead just trusted him and asked if he was okay. He’s just a kid. What was I thinking? Yet another debt I must carry with me. Who am I to question his loyalty when I was so unsure of my own that I let paranoia and ignorance cloud my view? What a solipsistic, egotistical fool I have been.
7.8.7.12 R.D.
Vuelo approached me today and asked if I wanted to join him in investigating the de-association process and whatever else is going on with the Captain. There was a fire in his eyes and a grit to his voice that only comes out from someone who’s angry at their place in the world. I wouldn’t blame him if that was the case, considering the results of our last mission and our meeting yesterday.
I told him that I’m happy to do this, but that I also want to make sure he doesn’t get court-martialed or worse for what we do. I’ll try to take the brunt of whatever blame comes our way should we cross any lines. He’s a family man, a father, and I’m just responsible for me. Elena needs her dad much more than I need to know why Captain is the way that he is.
In preparation for Vuelo and I's new endeavour, I reached out to Bosco and asked if he knew of any “off the grid” places I could rent. I’m new to the cloak and dagger approach, but I once read a book as a child which was about spies and they had a safe house, so I figured we should have one too.
6.9.7.12 R.D.
Haven’t seen Mr. Blonde in a while. Have our paths diverged again?
Vuelo and I’d investigative foray has been progressing slowly. We’re not the only ones who think the lack of fanfare around a war hero’s return was strange. There’s a group called the Leapfroggers who are also trying to find out the truth of what happened. They’re not as close to the Captain so they don’t know about Mercury, but they have mentioned something called “Project White Snake”, which appears to be linked to whatever has happened to him. Maybe that’s where he underwent The Procedure?
8.9.7.12 R.D.
It’s been a bad night. Vuelo and I were messaged by an anonymous Leapfrogger who claims they have “level 6” classified intel, and wanted to trade for “level 3” intel. While we were talking, Vuelo was able to find the location of whoever it was that was messaging us, which is a scary thought because I assume that means it’s possible to do the same to us.
Trying to get on the offensive, we went to the Hacker’s apartment building to find out more about them, and that’s when it all went downhill. The two of us are not built for this kind of stealth. I don’t know what went wrong but the police were called, and our reluctance to break more laws meant that we couldn’t get into the Hacker’s apartment or talk our way in. At least we have his name though. That’s the only silver lining here though, as Vuelo was arrested while we tried to sneak out. I only got away thanks to my old stealth suit from my in field researcher days.
How many times will I let my squad mates down? I said I’d protect Vuelo for the sake of Elena, and now I’m here at their home trying to make sure that she won’t worry about where her father is. Letting her braid my hair and telling her stories doesn’t mean anything compared to actually having her father home.
9.9.7.12 R.D.
Runner picked me up this morning from Vuelo’s place, she said there was an urgent meeting that I needed to attend. She’s always so frazzled whenever I see her, just how hard does the Castirian army push the Lancer support staff?
I was dropped off at the Chateau and caught up with Handler and Unit 02. Handler did not seem impressed with Vuelo at all, but I didn’t get yelled at, so I’m guessing he didn’t tell her about my involvement. Seems like our deployment is imminent. Captain and Ryker were taken off base to do some kind of calibration for Captain’s new mech. Maybe they were going to whatever Project White Snake is. I should ask Ryker about it when I get a chance, to see if they can fill me in on whatever happened.
What am I loyal to? How can I use my voice? This is what I have been wrestling with. I have spent most of my life being an observer, someone who views himself as being on the outside looking in. But that’s not who I am on Telgeta IV. My choices have consequences. My action, as well as my inaction, impacts those around me. If I didn’t want to search for the Red Entity, would Samira still be alive?
I need to be sure that what I do is actually representative of who I am. So again, I ask myself - what am I loyal to?